No shame in being ashamed

No shame to be ashamed of


Shame: admit that you would like to do without it! If it is impossible to live a life free from shame, we can nevertheless learn to coexist better with it… and prevent it from overwhelming us. 

Above all , you have to understand all the complexity of shame, which refers to a feeling of humiliation, abasement, a feeling of feeling imperfect or inferior to another. A source of suffering, shame can also lead to insecurity and even isolation, to name but a few examples. 

Moreover, shame and guilt are sometimes confused. Although very closely related, these are different. If guilt stems from actions that we have taken and that we regret in relation to the other, shame refers rather to our person and to the representation that we have of ourselves. 

< p>Multiple Causes of Shame

The reasons that can cause shame are numerous and can be social, cultural, family, religious, or political. 

For example, some people cannot overcome a childhood where their parents demanded the impossible of them. Others feel an embarrassed relationship with their physical appearance, their financial success, brought up in a religious climate where money was considered an object of sin. And what about talented children who feel enormous pressure to succeed, because they have been granted everything to reach the highest peaks… But if they had neither the desire nor the strength? 

An inevitable feeling in society

Two important things emerge when we feel shame. First, it shows the importance we give to others: they exist, they have a value in our eyes, and we must therefore take their presence into account. If we were all isolated from each other, shame would never come to trouble us. Find yourself on a desert island, and you will never be ashamed! 

These people form a society, and it operates with a system of values. The person contravening these values ​​could then feel shame and be afraid of losing the esteem of the loved one, his parents, his colleagues, etc. In such situations, shame serves us, in a way, as a guide or beacon.

However, shame can also generate a whole lot of worry and torment, and all the more so when this feeling takes up an excessive place in our lives. Some people end up sinking into a state of resignation. Others become masochists, believing that one must atone for one's faults, that there is a price to pay to save their self-esteem, as if beating oneself on the head would, over time, do damage. them better people. For some, this “punishment” will manifest itself in more sneaky ways, working long hours and neglecting their families to justify their professional success. 

So that it doesn't take the whole place

Shame should not overwhelm us and make it dictate our entire existence and our perception of ourselves. No one is perfect, we all have our faults, our weaknesses, our gray areas… But why focus on these aspects alone rather than considering our whole person, our background and our successes?

Shame invites us, so to speak, to something important: accepting to live with it at times, but without allowing ourselves to be overwhelmed by this feeling. In this sense, let us try to look at the totality of who we are and what we have accomplished, show compassion towards ourselves, sort out our responsibilities from those of others… and contemplate (also!) our successes and our successes.

After all, there is no shame in being good with yourself.